To infinity and beyond…

After rereading The Fault in Our Stars and just coming back from the awesome preview, The Night Before Our Stars, I’ve been thinking a lot about oblivion. 

It’s kind of cliche, right? An 18 year old girl thinking about disappearing into oblivion and wanting more in her sad, pathetic life. It’s more than a little trite. I mean technically everything I’m writing will be propelled into a cyber oblivion. It’s life. 

Life and death. It’s weird to think that everything has a definite beginning  but does everything have a definite end? Just because you die doesn’t mean your presence won’t live on in the minds of others. Another cliche. But do does anything actually have a definite end? Is there anything after the end? I want with every fiber of my being to believe that there is. But my mind keeps telling that I’m just a series of neurons firing. Weird to think about right? We are just cells. I think I could use a little bit of proof.

I don’t think any of this actually means anything. I’ve just been thinking about it for awhile. I’m scared of being nothing. I’m scared of oblivion. I want to do something meaningful with my life. I want to be noticed. But doesn’t everyone? We want more. But I believe that we’ve been raised to want more. To strive for the stars. That we all matter. But we don’t actually matter because one day we aren’t going to be here anymore. Then we just cease to exist like all those before us. But we matter don’t we? We want to matter. I want to matter. The thought of not mattering terrifies me. But I’m only human, right? All I can do is hope. Hope that one day I’ll get to experience infinity and beyond…

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