Word to the wise, never bring up stress around high school students. It will turn into a battle to the death of who is the most stressed. This turns into the ‘who does the most extracurricular activities’ or ‘who takes the hardest classes’ or ‘who takes the most classes’ or even ‘I do all of the above and word 10 jobs and I’m Stuco president and I have a boyfriend and I have a social life but I still like to party so suck on that bitches.’ I hate those people.
Stress is something I am very familiar with being that I’m a senior in high school. I have stress about what college I’m going to next year. I have stress about my jobs and my grades. I’m stressed about extracurricular activities. But mostly I’m stressed about failing. I’m not the type of person who takes failure lightly. I’m kind of OCD about school. I mean I’m not one of those people who gets 99%’s on everything due to some struggles in the learning department (I’ll post about that sometime). As long as I get at least an 85, I’m content. So imagine my surprise when I get some not so stellar grades in AP Biology. Science is always something that’s come easy to me, including biology. I have no idea what happened this year but it was not good. Let’s say I ended crying in front of my biology teacher (super freaking awkward) because I was so frustrated with how I was doing in the class. Let me say two things; 1. I NEVER cry (that’s a lie I cry sometimes like when I’m really angry or like during Land Before Time when little foot’s mom dies D’:) so that’s a big deal for me 2. I cried in front of a teacher. I mean I felt better afterwards and it kind of gave me a reality check but still weird. Now that I think about it it’s kind of hilarious. I mean I just needed an outlet to get the stress out. I mean I guess that’s what this blog is but it was nice to be a little more vulnerable instead of happy-go-lucky Mihika. I mean between working 2 (soon to be 3 [again]) jobs, dance, school, and trying to have a social life I had kind of worked myself up to this crazy point and I just needed to have a good cry and then pull up my big girl pants and move on with my life.
Another big stress factor at this time in my life is college. I mean I need to know where I’m going in 2 months. I’m currently in 7 schools and still waiting to hear back from 4. What if I don’t choose the right school for me? What if I just fail out of college? I mean up until now I’ve known what I wanted to do and how I wanted to get there and at this moment in time I have no idea where I’m going in my life. Do I get a business degree and be some chic CEO of a fashion company? Do I become a trauma surgeon and travel to third world countries and give medical aid? Do I become an actress and have my face light up on the silver screen? What do I want? I have no fucking clue. Do I want to go to NYU or Vanderbilt? Or do I stay close to home at SLU and then leave town. I hear back from all my schools in around a month. I’ll talk more about it eventually.
Sometimes we stress out about things that aren’t in our control. I stress about being perfect. I mean I’m not perfect and I won’t ever be but why do I feel the pressure to be? I want what’s best for myself and I want to be successful in life. This is such a pivotal point in my life and one mistake could screw it all up. I mean everyone wants to be the prettiest, the most talented, the smartest, the funniest, the most well liked and even the most successful. I mean I want to be all of those things. I want to be the best version of myself. This unfortunately can make someone go kind of crazy eventually. I’m still working to accept my flaws and focus more on the good parts of myself and less on the negative. I guess I’ve learned that perfection is flawed and it’s your imperfections that make you perfect.
*Also I would like to apologize for the quality of this post. I haven’t exactly had much time very recently due to me writing a script for a short film and all of the above stress. I’ll try to be more regular and have better quality work soon