Dreams

Every young child has wild fantasies about what they want to be when they group up. Maybe they wanted to be an astronaut or be a dinosaur or some shit like that. Well, every young child except for me. Since the tender age of 2 I’ve wanted to be one thing, a doctor. All I wanted to do was help people. I used to diagnose my stuffed animals with rare diseases and then perform surgeries on them and suture them back up. 

The older we got the more sensible people’s dreams got. They changed from Astronaut and Dinosaur to President and Movie Star. I, however, still wanted to be a doctor. I played surgery games online and enjoyed treating my cuts and bruises with various items found in the medicine cabinet. I knew what I wanted and I had a plan to get there. 

And yet we continued to age and my classmates began to have more mature (not that being a dinosaur isn’t mature) dreams. President and Movie Star changed to Lawyer and Writer or Surgeon. They wanted families and started planning their kids names. And there I was still wanted to become a doctor. I never imagined my dream wedding and I never really wanted kids. I wanted a career. I read Web MD and began to watch medical drama’s and online videos of surgeries. Nothing amazed me more than the human body. I knew where I was going. I was going to become a hot shot surgeon working in a big hospital in a big city living in an apartment 3 or 4 blocks away with a conveniently placed Starbucks (even though I don’t drink coffee). That was the goal.

But at this point I was introduced to something a little more liberal. I took a break from my medical path to explore the world of theater. There is something about walking onto a stage and having the spot lights blind you. Nothing else matters except that moment. You can see no one but everyone sees you. There’s a serenity that overcomes you as you step out of yourself and into somebody else’s shoes. You transform into something you weren’t a minute ago. Words fill your brain and pour out of your mouth with ease. Each step you take across the stage is deliberate and planned. You’ve got to go through the same motions and lines so many times that you could do them in your sleep. The show develops, the plot thickens, the climax is reached, and it is resolved.  There was something so comfortable about it. I didn’t really think anything of it. It was just a hobby. I took summer camps got some professional acting training. It was a world away from my own. It was a place to put all of my energy. 

And then came the time where everything became real. I filled out college applications and visited different universities. I was officially an adult. But something deep down just didn’t feel right. I had gone through so much and changed so much in the past 18 years. My future became real and then it hit me; I’m not 2 years old anymore and this isn’t playing doctor anymore. Becoming a doctor isn’t exactly easy. I’ve always loved science but I love a lot of other things too. I love english and writing. I love acting. I love math. Why am I tying myself down already? I was going through identity crisis. I mean I always had this secret desire to become an actress. I guess I was kind of going backwards about the whole thing. Most kids go from movie star to doctor and I’m going the other way around. But then again I’m just kind of a backwards person. I mean I would love to do both (it has been done). I want to walk the red carpet in couture and have what I say matter. I want to make films that inspire others and see my face on the silver screen. I want to dance in bollywood movies and wake up in the wee hours of the morning to transform myself into something I’m not. But I also want to be a doctor and save lives. 

Where does that put me now? Who knows. Currently I’m going into college (where I’m going is still unknown) pre-med track, undecided major (Either Business or Public Health Major), acting minor. I want to incorporate both fields into my life. I’ve had a lot of people tell me that I’m crazy and it won’t work but I’m determined. I’m going to med school and I’m going to act. My goal is to go to med school in LA and audition for movies in the process. Whatever happens…happens. I’ll make the decisions as I go.  No one can tell me that dreams aren’t free because I refuse to settle. I’m going to work as harder than I possibly can. I’m going to have my cake and eat it too. I’ll see you all on the cover of people magazine. 

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