Let me start off by saying, I was NOT a cute kid. And no I’m not just saying that to get sympathy and it’s not one of those things that insecure teenagers do when they say they aren’t attractive even though they know they are but just like being reminded of it. No. I was an UGLY kid. Cute baby. UGLY. Let me stress that again. UGLY kid. By the time I hit the ripe age of 4 I had lost my front baby tooth and what came to replace it wasn’t exactly attractive. A pointy tooth. No, I’m serious like a shark tooth. More dull than that but indeed a pointy one. This started the downward tread of my childhood. This one pointy tooth caused the rest of my incoming teeth to be crooked. These were normal teeth but just sideways. I had a serious underbite as well. It took a bit of dental work to fix it all up. Just a bit. I also had an unfortunate bowl cut. This was what happened when you go to one of those hair salons with stylists in training and they keep messing up. I wanted a beautiful chin length bob I ended up with something above my ears. I was not happy and not cute. I hadn’t figured out the use of tweezers, wax, or hair products. I was a bit too skinny as well. I’m talking 60 pounds at age 12 skinny. I was, for a lack of better words, ratchet. My wonderful nickname at that age was ‘skinny toothpick convention’. To this day I still do not understand how one person can be a convention but at the times the words hurt. You could say they were pointy. Too far? Thought so. But really though, convention?
So I assume you are wondering how I got from this ugly duckling of sorts to whatever it is that I am now? The answer is, I’m not exactly sure. I’m not even sure what I am. I’m kind of weird, awkward, obsessed with food, and kind of attractive? You are either nodding your head agreeing or completely disgusted by that statement. It was a bit of a weird transformation from the weirdest kid around to ‘Woah’ that kid is weirder than I am SCORE.
My life has been a serious of ‘what are you doing’s and my response is usually always ‘I’m not exactly sure.’ Luckily I can get away with most of this by being labeled as ‘quirky’ or ‘weird’ or the occasionally used term ‘dysfunctional.’ Those are just a couple examples. Over the past years I have gone from low self esteem to hot as hell. I’m not exactly the most modest now am I? Obviously not considering that I’m writing this. But hey I’d rather be over confident than under. Either way they are both annoying. I will have you know that if you plan to compliment me (and why wouldn’t you I’m a solid 9.5) do not expect me to say ‘Aww no really? You are too kind.’ I will straight up say, ‘I know.’ Hey what can you expect from a girl like me? This brings me to my theory that if I was ever to become famous I would be a mixture of Robert Downey Jr. and Jennifer Lawrence (AKA my two idols). I am sarcastic, witty, and egotistic (RDJ) and I make weird faces, have no filter (no shit), and LOVE food (J-law). But hey, it’s just a theory.