Special Thanks

There are many people and things I would like to take the time to thank…and here we go…

Firstly I would like to thank myself for writing this book.

I would like to thank my great grandparents for giving birth to my grandparents.

I would like to thank my grandparents for giving birth to my parents

I would like to thank my parents for giving birth to me.

I would like to thank the sperm that won.

I would like to thank the egg as well.

I would like to thank the zygote that was formed.

I would like to thank the cells that rapidly divided.

I would like to thank the fetus that was formed.

I would like to thank I would like to thank the womb.

I would like to thank whoever invented the words womb and fetus. Lol JK, die.

I would like to thank the doctor that delivered me.

I would like to thank myself for being born.

I would like to thank my younger self for not being a dumb ass.

I would like to thank my legs for letting me walk.

I would like to thank my parents for teaching me to speak.

I would like to thank myself for being good at speaking.

I would like to thank Harry Potter.

I would like to thank J.K. Rowling for writing Harry Potter.

I would like to thank myself for reading Harry Potter.

I would like to thank the high amounts of caffeine that keep me awake during the day.

I would like to coffee.

I would like to help whoever invented coffee.

I would like to thank some woman named Kaldi who apparently brewed the first coffee.

I would like to thank google for helping me find that out.

I would like to thank Charles Babbage for inventing the computer.

I would like to thank whoever invented the duck face because fuck you.

I would like to thank whoever invented sagging because you have to have major confidence show the world half your ass. If you got it, flaunt it.

I would like to thank water for keeping me hydrated all these years.

I would like to thank books for keeping me entertained.

I would like to thank skype for keeping me connected with all my friends.

I would like to thank phones for being awesome.

I would like to thank Steve jobs who invented the iphone.

I would like to thank chairs for allowing me to sit.

I would like to thank boys with abs for being attractive.

I would like to thank glasses for allowing me to see clearly now.

I would like to thank food for keeping me fed.

I would like to thank the people who make the food.

I would like to thank the people who pick the ingredients for the food

I would like to thank the people who buy the food.

I would like to thank the people who carry the food.

I would like to thank the people who drive the food.

I would like to thank the people who farm the food.

I would like to thank the people who kill the food.

I would like to thank the food gods for bestowing delicious food upon me.

I would like to thank highlighters for highlighting important things in my life.

I would like to thank pencils for letting me write.

I would like to thank whoever came up with YOLO because YOLO. Lol JK DIE.

I would like to thank books for being around for reading.

I would like to thank gloves that keep me warm.

I would like to thank my blankey for staying with me through all those cold emotional nights.

I would like to thank toilets for taking all my shit.

I would like to thank boys. LOL JK DIE.

I would like to thank couches for being a comfort in my life.

I would like to thank myself, yet again.

I would like to thank the fashion gods for bestowing awesome clothing upon me.

I would like to thank the music gods for awesome music.

I would like to thank lights for lighting up my life.

I would like to thank the Oscars for not recognizing my talent.

I would like to thank the Academy Awards for not recognizing my talent.

I would like to thank the Grammy’s for not recognizing my talent.

I would like to thank the Mark Twain award committee for not recognizing my talent.

I would like to thank publishers everywhere for not recognizing my talent.

I would like to thank myself, for being talented.

I would like to thank nail polish for polishing my nails.

I would like to thank whoever came up with the word fornication. Lol JK, DIE. Lol JK, I love you.

I would like to thank my fingers for typing this.

I would like to thank the muscles in my fingers.

I would like to thank the bones in my fingers.

I would like to thank the cerebrum for doing shit.

I would like to thank the cerebellum for also doing shit.

I would like to thank each lobe of my brain for doing awesome shit.

I would like to thank google for answering all my questions.

I would like to thank webMD for helping me falsely diagnose myself with random diseases, cancers, and parasites.

I would like to thank butterflies because yolo.

I would like to thank people who wear sandals with socks. Lol JK, die.

I would like to thank the people who make cute shoes.

I would like to thank the shoe gods for bestowing fantastical shoes upon the world.

I would like to thank generic brand items that are cheaper than real brands.

I would like to thank the random stranger who just gave me candy.

I would like to thank all those nuts who believe in the apocalypse. You make my day.

I would like God for not smiting the world on December 21st 2012.

I would like to thank that other friend.

I would like to thank that one friend.

I would like to thank all those hypocrites of the world myself included.

I would like to thank those people who know me well enough to finish my sentences.

I would like to thank chocolate for which one needs to state no reason for thanking.

I would like to thank the Chap Stick makers for amazing scents and colors that keep my lips moist.

I would like to thank whoever invented the word moist. Fuck yourself.

I would like to thank my idiot brain for having writers block.

I would like to thank my wonderful restraint in life.

I would like to thank my sick twisted brain for convincing me that I’m the most amazing person in the world.

I would like to thank Mark Twain for being a smart bastard.

I would like to thank gummy worms for being amazingly gummy.

I would like to thank food for comforting me.

I would like to thank boring lectures for fueling my online shopping addiction.

I would like to thank myself for getting a 100 on my research paper outline. Go me.

I would like to thank athletes for B-E-ING AGGRESSIVE.

I would like to thank the annoying girl yelling right now.

I would like to thank people who match their shoes and socks.

I would like to thank the oddballs, hipsters, and devil spawn for being born.

I would like to thank Coca-Cola for being my pick-me-upper.

I would like to thank other people’s elbows for letting me lean on them. (You know who you are)

I would like to thank weak ass boys for being weaker than I am.

I would like to thank physical education for making me work out when I don’t want to.

I would like myself for being a cheap ass bastard and not taking a date to prom because 60 dollars is a lot of money and I could buy so much food with that.

I would like to thank my daddy for buying me things.

I would like to thank shoes for covering my feet.

I would like to thank myself from going from beginner to intermediate to beginner in tennis lessons.

I would like to thank my friends who encouraged me to write this. You all are probably cursing them right now.

I would like to thank anybody who made it to this point in my book. You’re awesome!

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