To infinity and beyond…

After rereading The Fault in Our Stars and just coming back from the awesome preview, The Night Before Our Stars, I’ve been thinking a lot about oblivion. 

It’s kind of cliche, right? An 18 year old girl thinking about disappearing into oblivion and wanting more in her sad, pathetic life. It’s more than a little trite. I mean technically everything I’m writing will be propelled into a cyber oblivion. It’s life. 

Life and death. It’s weird to think that everything has a definite beginning  but does everything have a definite end? Just because you die doesn’t mean your presence won’t live on in the minds of others. Another cliche. But do does anything actually have a definite end? Is there anything after the end? I want with every fiber of my being to believe that there is. But my mind keeps telling that I’m just a series of neurons firing. Weird to think about right? We are just cells. I think I could use a little bit of proof.

I don’t think any of this actually means anything. I’ve just been thinking about it for awhile. I’m scared of being nothing. I’m scared of oblivion. I want to do something meaningful with my life. I want to be noticed. But doesn’t everyone? We want more. But I believe that we’ve been raised to want more. To strive for the stars. That we all matter. But we don’t actually matter because one day we aren’t going to be here anymore. Then we just cease to exist like all those before us. But we matter don’t we? We want to matter. I want to matter. The thought of not mattering terrifies me. But I’m only human, right? All I can do is hope. Hope that one day I’ll get to experience infinity and beyond…

Who run the world?

It is my firm belief that if nobody hates you, you’ve done something wrong in your life. I believe that envy is the highest form of flattery. If someone would go out of their way to make you miserable, you have done something right, my friend. So amigos, you are probably wondering why I’m writing this? What am I writing about? Well just keep reading to find out.

The world can be a scary place. There is backstabbing, gossiping, and double-standards. In a technology filled world it can be hard to get away. There is scrutiny from every angle. Now-a-days, you don’t only have to worry about someone talking about you behind your back. You must now worry about whether they are texting, tweeting, facebooking, Instagramming, or blogging about you. It’s insane. It is also one of those reasons that cyberbullying is such an issue today. Needless to say, it all sucks. But as much as it may suck…It makes you stronger. I hope that one day when I have my M.D., M.B.A., Fashion clothing line, a novel published, a hospital franchise, my own TV show, and an Oscar I can credit it all to the haters.

To whom it may concern,

Dear Haters,

Thank you. No really. I would like to thank you all. Your hatred and vendetta’s against me have gotten me where I am today and I hope that they will continue to propel me into excellence. I really could not have done it without the extra push you have given me. So please continue to spread rumors, talk badly about me, shun me, etc. Because at the end of the day it’s only getting me where I want to go. One day I hope I can look back and give you all the thanks you deserve. Just remember that anywhere I go and anything amazing I experience is all because of you. Your harsh critiques and comments have really given me a lot to think about and have really made me comfortable with the person I am today. Honestly, I’d be a little more worried if you did all agree with me. Thank you for every day you made me question my beliefs. Every day you made angry. Every tear you made me shed. Every angry blog post. Every fake rumor that made me laugh. Every time you crushed my confidence. Every time you made me question whether or not I could achieve something. Every time you derailed my dreams. Truly, I thank you. You are what pushes me forward. You are what helped me dare to dream bigger. Please continue to break me, my dreams, and my beliefs down. Hopefully, I’ll be able to build myself up bigger and better.

Yours Truly,

Mihika

“Don’t let the haters stop you from doing your thang.” -Kevin G Math Enthusiast/Bad-Ass M.C.

Pram Weekend!

This weekend was Pram weekend. Yes, you read that right. Pram. Not Prom. Pram. What does pram weekend mean, you ask? It means that I went to two proms this weekend. My prom and priory prom. It was pretty legit and as of now my feel are dead. Which is great because I have 3 more events today. I’ll get into that later.

Viz Prom:

I had been so excited for my senior prom this year and I couldn’t have asked for a better one. All the Prama (Prom-Drama) Leading up to it had been stupid and petty. I even threatened to jump into the Grand Basin and either drown myself or swim away. It was pretty bad. I started out my prom day with a 7 A.M. dance rehearsal and then proceeded to go to school and have half an hour of class. It was pretty damn boring. And then I got home at 1:30 and took an hour long nap. Then I realized that I had to go pick up the boutinnere and a corsage for my friend so I rushed into the shower and then I was on my way. By the time I got home my friend was over. I did her hair and make up and my own hair and make up in an hour. I think that’s impressive. Then we took some pictures when more people came over and then got stuck in traffic. Despite all the drama in the end everything pulled together even if I was an hour late to pictures There was no more prama and I had a magnificent time with all of my friends and even made new ones! It’s always exciting when you get to meet old friends from grade school or when you run into an old flame/crush. Then went a friends birthday party and hung out. Top night.

Priory Prom:

Priory prom was a little bit more interesting. My date was sufficiently awkward. But I did make some new friends! It was pretty legit. I got to go hang out with all of my friends from priory and then ran into some more friends from grade school. Danced a little too much. Won a dance battle. Ate some delicious food. Flirted with random strangers. Went to a raging party that was shut down.  It was a top notch weekend my friends.

Sunday Funday:

Sunday was a little more packed…A 3 hour graduation practice where we practice walking around a pole and weaving ribbons. Which didn’t exactly go well because some people are mentally impaired and then my last thespian banquet. I was pretty much functioning on around 10 hours of sleep total this weekend. And now I must continue to do homework for the next 3 hours and get in about 2 hours of sleep before I have to be at school by 7 again. Aka week two of barely any sleep.

XOXO

 

XOXO

Relationships are probably the most confusing but most wonderful yet uncomfortable things on the planet. They make you want to skip through a field of roses into the sunset and yet they also make you want to punch yourself in the face repeatedly and pull your hair out with fire tongs. It’s a very thin line. Some might even say it was a blurred line *wink wink*. I mean relationships have potential to go way wrong or way right. I mean I’m pretty sure there’s no in between. You’re either a train wreck or you’re in a fairytale. Or maybe you’re good at pretending you’re a fairy tale. Either way, it’s a flood of emotions that can impair pretty much everything in your life. Coming from someone who hasn’t much luck in that department, these views or advice may mean nothing. I’m willing to take that chance.

First off I’d like to say that although I seem high maintenance, I’m not. Honestly, if I’m mad at you or if you feel the need to make me happy or some weird shit like that; buy me a triple cheese pizza. That’s it. If you want to go the extra mile write a message on top with the toppings (Mushrooms, onions, bell peppers). Or even just bread sticks or a 32oz coke. Or just a milk chocolate bar. Feeling ambitions? Buy me 2 bars of chocolate. That’s all I need. And not just me there are plenty of other girls who feel this way too. Guys, girls aren’t that difficult. We like to be told we’re pretty and just kind of hang out. I mean just don’t stare at every hot girl you see and at least pretend to listen and be upfront with everything. I mean thats all most of us really ask. There are some very special girls out there who demand everything under the sun. Dump them. Just a little piece of advice. Take it or realize in about two-twenty years that you should have listened to me.

I consider myself a feminist or at least part of one. I just don’t understand the whole ‘guys have to pay for everything’ situation. I mean this is the 21st century. I’m pretty sure the whole ‘girls fighting for equal rights’ thing wasn’t just so that we could rely on men for like everything. Split the check or get separate checks. I mean unless the guy is all chivalrous and insists. But the reality is that most teenagers don’t have jobs or make minimum wage. So it’s just fair that the girl pays too. Or just take turns paying for things. I mean there’s a simple solution to most things. If you want to do something special open the door for her.

I hate dating advice from magazines. It confuses me. How does one look flirty and sexy and cute and down to earth and be hard to get at the same time? It doesn’t make any sense. If I was all those things then I wouldn’t have the issues that I’m having. Magazines make dating seem so easy. Look a guy in the eye for 7 seconds and you know it’s on. No, if I look a guy in the eyes for 7 seconds he’s going to think I’m a psycho creeper and come kill him in the middle of the night. I wish magazines would have more relatable tips. Hello, I’m looking for relatable advice for the average gal not advice for some flirting goddess.

BE HONEST. I cannot stress that enough. You need to be honest with your significant other, F.W.B., Crush, etc. Tell them how you feel. Don’t lie. Pretty self explanatory. The more you lie the more it’s going to bite you in the ass later. If you’re mad, tell them. If you’re sad, tell them. If you’re happy, tell them. COMMUNICATE PEOPLE. And please don’t you dare end the conversation with ‘ILU’.

Another important thing is to not lead somebody on. If you don’t like them be clear about it and don’t give them false hope. You can’t just flirt with somebody just to flirt. If you are be clear about it. Otherwise they’re going to be calling you a douchecanoe or asswipe the next day.

So pretty much if you looked at that and said ‘Tl;Dr’; here’s a summary for you. If you want a good relationship be open and honest and don’t look at stupid magazines. Until next time! XOXO

Stress

Word to the wise, never bring up stress around high school students. It will turn into a battle to the death of who is the most stressed. This turns into the ‘who does the most extracurricular activities’ or ‘who takes the hardest classes’ or ‘who takes the most classes’ or even ‘I do all of the above and word 10 jobs and I’m Stuco president and I have a boyfriend and I have a social life but I still like to party so suck on that bitches.’ I hate those people.

Stress is something I am very familiar with being that I’m a senior in high school. I have stress about what college I’m going to next year. I have stress about my jobs and my grades. I’m stressed about extracurricular activities. But mostly I’m stressed about failing. I’m not the type of person who takes failure lightly. I’m kind of OCD about school. I mean I’m not one of those people who gets 99%’s on everything due to some struggles in the learning department (I’ll post about that sometime). As long as I get at least an 85, I’m content. So imagine my surprise when I get some not so stellar grades in AP Biology. Science is always something that’s come easy to me, including biology. I have no idea what happened this year but it was not good. Let’s say I ended crying in front of my biology teacher (super freaking awkward) because I was so frustrated with how I was doing in the class. Let me say two things; 1. I NEVER cry (that’s a lie I cry sometimes like when I’m really angry or like during Land Before Time when little foot’s mom dies D’:) so that’s a big deal for me 2. I cried in front of a teacher. I mean I felt better afterwards and it kind of gave me a reality check but still weird. Now that I think about it it’s kind of hilarious. I mean I just needed an outlet to get the stress out. I mean I guess that’s what this blog is but it was nice to be a little more vulnerable instead of happy-go-lucky Mihika. I mean between working 2 (soon to be 3 [again])  jobs, dance, school, and trying to have a social life I had kind of worked myself up to this crazy point and I just needed to have a good cry and then pull up my big girl pants and move on with my life.

Another big stress factor at this time in my life is college. I mean I need to know where I’m going in 2 months. I’m currently in 7 schools and still waiting to hear back from 4. What if I don’t choose the right school for me? What if I just fail out of college? I mean up until now I’ve known what I wanted to do and how I wanted to get there and at this moment in time I have no idea where I’m going in my life. Do I get a business degree and be some chic CEO of a fashion company? Do I become a trauma surgeon and travel to third world countries and give medical aid? Do I become an actress and have my face light up on the silver screen? What do I want? I have no fucking clue. Do I want to go to NYU or Vanderbilt? Or do I stay close to home at SLU and then leave town. I hear back from all my schools in around a month. I’ll talk more about it eventually.

Sometimes we stress out about things that aren’t in our control. I stress about being perfect. I mean I’m not perfect and I won’t ever be but why do I feel the pressure to be? I want what’s best for myself and I want to be successful in life. This is such a pivotal point in my life and one mistake could screw it all up. I mean everyone wants to be the prettiest, the most talented, the smartest, the funniest, the most well liked and even the most successful. I mean I want to be all of those things. I want to be the best version of myself. This unfortunately can make someone go kind of crazy eventually. I’m still working to accept my flaws and focus more on the good parts of myself and less on the negative. I guess I’ve learned that perfection is flawed and it’s your imperfections that make you perfect.

*Also I would like to apologize for the quality of this post. I haven’t exactly had much time very recently due to me writing a script for a short film and all of the above stress. I’ll try to be more regular and have better quality work soon

Bucketlist

1. Sky Diving

2. Couch Surfing in Europe

3. Go to Machu Pichu

4. Hiking in Tasmania/Australia/New Zealand

5. Hiking in the amazon

6. Go to the Congo

7. Parasailing

8. Learn to Surf

9. Visit Bali

10. Skinny Dipping

11. Hitchhiking

12. Bungee Jumping

13. Bake (and consume) Pot Brownies

14. Go Spelunking

15. Play a Lord of the Rings drinking game

16. Streaking

17. Run around a park in a morphsuit

18. Hold a Tarantula

19. Fly a plane

20. Bungee Jump

21. Zipline in the rainforest

22. Trek the Inca Hill

23. Ride a camel in Egypt

24. Ride a hot air balloon

25. Go to a masquerade ball

26. Go to the tomatina festival in Spain

27. Kiteboarding

28. Flyboard

29. Go white water rafting

30. Go Grape Stomping

31. Float in the dead sea

32. Watch a sunset

33. Meet Mindy Kaling

34. Be serenaded

35. Jump into a pool fully clothed

36. Spend the night on a beach

37. Get a bob

38. Do a mud run

39. Be in a movie

40. Walk the red carpet

41. Make a huge fort

42. Eat an entire cake

43. Scuba dive with sharks

44. Swim/stand under a waterfall

45. Stand on trolltunga rock in Norway

46. Paddle through midevil town

47. Take a selfie infront of the 7 wonders of the world

48. Get a tattoo

49. Take a selfie with Logan Lerman

50. Ride in a Gondola

51. Throw a dart at a map and go wherever it lands

52. Go Paintballing

53. Run a marathon

54. Swim the great barrier reef

55. See the northern lights

56. Swim in a hot spring

57. Visit the swing at the end of the world in Banos, Ecuador

58. Go zorbing

59. Visit Hobbiton

60. Have a food fight

61. Go to a foam party

63. Convince someone that I’m british

64. Ride the London eye

64. Go to the soccer world cup

65. Play paint twister

66. Fall in love

I think that’s enough for now! I’ll cross off things as I go!

Dreams

Every young child has wild fantasies about what they want to be when they group up. Maybe they wanted to be an astronaut or be a dinosaur or some shit like that. Well, every young child except for me. Since the tender age of 2 I’ve wanted to be one thing, a doctor. All I wanted to do was help people. I used to diagnose my stuffed animals with rare diseases and then perform surgeries on them and suture them back up. 

The older we got the more sensible people’s dreams got. They changed from Astronaut and Dinosaur to President and Movie Star. I, however, still wanted to be a doctor. I played surgery games online and enjoyed treating my cuts and bruises with various items found in the medicine cabinet. I knew what I wanted and I had a plan to get there. 

And yet we continued to age and my classmates began to have more mature (not that being a dinosaur isn’t mature) dreams. President and Movie Star changed to Lawyer and Writer or Surgeon. They wanted families and started planning their kids names. And there I was still wanted to become a doctor. I never imagined my dream wedding and I never really wanted kids. I wanted a career. I read Web MD and began to watch medical drama’s and online videos of surgeries. Nothing amazed me more than the human body. I knew where I was going. I was going to become a hot shot surgeon working in a big hospital in a big city living in an apartment 3 or 4 blocks away with a conveniently placed Starbucks (even though I don’t drink coffee). That was the goal.

But at this point I was introduced to something a little more liberal. I took a break from my medical path to explore the world of theater. There is something about walking onto a stage and having the spot lights blind you. Nothing else matters except that moment. You can see no one but everyone sees you. There’s a serenity that overcomes you as you step out of yourself and into somebody else’s shoes. You transform into something you weren’t a minute ago. Words fill your brain and pour out of your mouth with ease. Each step you take across the stage is deliberate and planned. You’ve got to go through the same motions and lines so many times that you could do them in your sleep. The show develops, the plot thickens, the climax is reached, and it is resolved.  There was something so comfortable about it. I didn’t really think anything of it. It was just a hobby. I took summer camps got some professional acting training. It was a world away from my own. It was a place to put all of my energy. 

And then came the time where everything became real. I filled out college applications and visited different universities. I was officially an adult. But something deep down just didn’t feel right. I had gone through so much and changed so much in the past 18 years. My future became real and then it hit me; I’m not 2 years old anymore and this isn’t playing doctor anymore. Becoming a doctor isn’t exactly easy. I’ve always loved science but I love a lot of other things too. I love english and writing. I love acting. I love math. Why am I tying myself down already? I was going through identity crisis. I mean I always had this secret desire to become an actress. I guess I was kind of going backwards about the whole thing. Most kids go from movie star to doctor and I’m going the other way around. But then again I’m just kind of a backwards person. I mean I would love to do both (it has been done). I want to walk the red carpet in couture and have what I say matter. I want to make films that inspire others and see my face on the silver screen. I want to dance in bollywood movies and wake up in the wee hours of the morning to transform myself into something I’m not. But I also want to be a doctor and save lives. 

Where does that put me now? Who knows. Currently I’m going into college (where I’m going is still unknown) pre-med track, undecided major (Either Business or Public Health Major), acting minor. I want to incorporate both fields into my life. I’ve had a lot of people tell me that I’m crazy and it won’t work but I’m determined. I’m going to med school and I’m going to act. My goal is to go to med school in LA and audition for movies in the process. Whatever happens…happens. I’ll make the decisions as I go.  No one can tell me that dreams aren’t free because I refuse to settle. I’m going to work as harder than I possibly can. I’m going to have my cake and eat it too. I’ll see you all on the cover of people magazine. 

Here, There, and Back Again

          Here’s what you need to know about me.  As a young girl I prowled the jungle with none other than Shere Khan himself. Our shoulders moved rhythmically back and forth as our eyes fixated on our prey ahead. I watched him as he strategically placed one foot in front of the other on the warm dirt ground, tail a-sway, and tried to do the same. I followed closely behind as we analyzed the humid jungle for the man cub. A snarl escaped our lips as the son of man chased behind us with the mandarin fire, and I stared as the cowardly cat ran away. I learned that even the biggest or meanest may not be the bravest.

          You should also know that on my 11th birthday I received my acceptance letter from Hogwarts on the very same day as Harry Potter! I learned to master the dark arts with Harry. I lost friends, and I gained new ones in unsuspecting places. I competed in the grueling tri-wizard tournament. I flicked my wand strategically and with skill as I cast curses, cures, and dueled. I defeated he-who-shall-not-be-named. I became a part of something much bigger than myself. I learned that you can’t under-estimate yourself and what you can truly accomplish because life works in magical ways. 

          You should understand that when I turned 14 I transformed into a hobbit, a short, stout creature standing at only 4 feet tall with hairy feet. I wandered with Bilbo through the treacherous mountains. I found the one ring and selfishly kept it. I made an enemy in smeagol and learned that things are not always what they seem. I fought orcs and dark lords. And in the end, I learned there’s no place like home when I traveled back to the shire.

          Why books you ask? Because I’ve been to the top of mordor with Frodo and Sam. I’ve battled the volturi along with the Cullen’s. I’ve solved mysteries with Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson.  I’ve battled dragons. I’ve been immortal and immoral with Dorian Gray. I’ve stayed in Uncle Tom’s Cabin. I’ve been to the future, and I’ve been back in time. I’ve battled alien races. I’ve been an alien race. I’ve been through the apocalypse (more than once, might I add). I’ve been in cliquey high schools and dealt with all the boy drama. I’ve found love and had my heart broken.  I’ve fought green knights and demons alike. I’ve been bullied and bashed. I’ve fought the evil titans of Greek mythology. I’ve been stranded on a boat with a tiger for days. I’ve been a lonely teenager writing in his diary mulling over the perks of being a wallflower.  I’ve been to so many places and met so many people that I can’t even begin to count. I’ve been here and there and back again, but I’m not done yet.

Whenever I need to get away, I just crack open a new book and immerse myself into a whole new world. I see words flying off the pages creating new worlds and characters in my mind and before my very eyes. Books have helped me learn. They have helped me grow. They have molded me into the person I am today. They have given me something to strive for, something to live for. I don’t know where I would be if I didn’t have my secret world. It is a world full of adventure, love, friendship, and bravery, a world that I call my own. Through books I have learned who I am. I have learned what I want to be.  So you want to know what defines me? Books.

 

 

Pizza is Eternal

Honestly I don’t think I could take responsibility for any of the words (not that I am) written here if I didn’t write about my one true love…Pizza. There is nothing, I repeat, nothing I love more than pizza. There is something so comforting about that delectable bread topped with the perfectly seasoned marinara and of course the thick perfect layer of cheese on top. I have a sunday night tradition where I order an entire large pizza with triple cheese and eat the whole damn thing. You really don’t understand how much I love pizza.

My friends and I have a tradition where we order a bunch of pizzas every other thursday. We order anywhere from 3-7 pizzas depending on the amount of people eating which is from 4-8. This past week was a pizza week and it was 4 girls, 3 pizzas, a 2 liter bottle of coke, and breadsticks. Actually it was more like 3 girls 2 pizzas and then Mihika and her pizza. I ate the whole damn thing. We also drank the entire 2 liter bottle of coke. Instead of using cups like any normal human being we just passed around the bottle. I’d say it was a day well spent. I usually always have my own pizza. What can I say?

The most pizza I’ve ever eaten in one sitting was 13 slices of an extra-large double cheese pizza from pizza hut. I talk and tweet about pizza so much that a twitter about pizza followed me. There are just so many varieties with pizza. Deep dish, thin crust, hand tossed and then there’s sauces and toppings. Don’t get me started on toppings. I’m telling you pizza is magical.My love for pizza goes above and beyond normal love. This isn’t puppy love. Pizza and I have had a long stable relationship for a matter of years now.

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